What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
