I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
My penis needs a shock collar
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
