If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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