Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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