It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
