My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
that's an acceptable place to lick
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
