Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Holy sore nipples Batman
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
