jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
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Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
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He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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