??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
