i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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