I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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