she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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