He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
