If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
