oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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