I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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