evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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