gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
