TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
