do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
