Taylor Swift is so right about you.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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