What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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