when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
