Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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