Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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