I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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