saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
