He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
