i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
