So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
