I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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