If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
