I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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