it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
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Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
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That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
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