I cannot find my penis.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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