Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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