If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
its not stalking. its research.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
