...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He better not be in your backpack
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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