Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
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