marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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