Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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