The maid of honor just puked.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
