He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Randomize
