Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I think my fart just growled at me.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
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