Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
