HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
