I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
smell my finger.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
