i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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