my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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