So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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