And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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