similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Your penis caused this!
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