grandma shit on top of the toilet
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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