I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize