Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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