hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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