i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
