Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
My vagina just recognized that song.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
