I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
My bed smells like the plague
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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