A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
They are going to name an STD after you.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Two words: nipple clamps
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