Your mouth is God's brothel.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
