did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
