I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
