you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
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