RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
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