The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
