what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
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