there's paper in my vomit.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
