cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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