it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
