just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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