i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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